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Can Relationships Survive Enlightenment?

Can Relationships Survive Enlightenment? cover

Written by Kyle Hoobin

July 10, 2023

This is a tricky subject to cover because in order for me to offer a perspective on the post-enlightenment side of things, I have to use dualistic language to describe that nondual state of consciousness. (As is the case with all discussions on nonduality I suppose ? …so I guess my point is moot).

First off, technically speaking, nothing survives enlightenment (both literally and metaphorically).

From a literal standpoint, the consciousness that you are (which is no-thing) can never truly die and so makes it through enlightenment unscathed (because there’s literally nothing there to be scathed). The ‘nothing’ survives enlightenment.

From a metaphorical standpoint, however, the psychic knot of the personality unwinds through enlightenment and cannot be wound up again afterward. This means that the ego’s command center is no longer at the center of one’s consciousness anymore and so its ability to spin its hypnotic web of delusion and keep its energy field in a sustained knot is no longer there either. The supposed ‘someone’ does not survive.

But why is it then that those who claim to be enlightened seem to have such unenlightened tendencies? How can you die but still have unconscious habits?

Well, assuming you’re referring to someone who’s actually enlightened and not just pretending to be…..

How come a fan keeps moving after it’s been unplugged? Does it move of its own volition?

Or is the movement you see nothing more than the appearance of self-volition?

The truth is, if you’re not enlightened, then there’s no way to really know if someone else is. It will come down to how much you trust your intuition. When you see a fan whose blades are turning, can you sense whether that movement is self-sustaining or if it’s merely the after-effect of a self that’s no longer present?

Death is when the aliveness that you are changes from one form to another- that’s all.

As with any death, the vehicle that was transporting that aliveness remains for a short while after- it’s only a matter of time before the vehicle dissolves and changes form too.

So if the ‘nothing’ that survives enlightenment is in a relationship, what are the chances that that relationship will last?

It will depend upon how much of the relationship was being sustained by the presence of personalities. If by chance there was more ‘nobody’ness’ (conscious self-awareness) in the relationship than there was ‘somebody’ness’ (unconscious identification with the mind), then there’s a strong likelihood that the relationship will continue- or at the very least, end in peace. In any case, relationships that require personalities in order to survive, are precisely the ones that are worth ending anyways. After all, we’re interested in truth here, not pretend.

It helps to remember that the evolutionary purpose of all relationships is enlightenment. You were never meant to remain one-half of the whole. Relationships (especially intimate ones) are designed to act like a rock in the oyster; creating agitation as you unsuccessfully attempt to become whole through the other person. This agitation is what allows the pearlescent nature of true freedom to envelop your consciousness and reveal a wholeness that was already always present in you but simply ignored.

This (life) is the greatest game that has ever been played; the goal is the same for everyone: to return home where the dark fantasy of completion is left far behind.

Perhaps you’ve played long enough, no?

>> To go deeper into your nobody’ness, join me live this Sunday July 16th in the ‘Society of Nobodies’ Facebook group for my bi-weekly meetup (free to attend). Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thesocietyofnobodies

Copyright © 2023 Kyle Hoobin

8 Comments

  1. Martha Percy-Meade

    Does not survive or is finally at Pease , It’s been a long time Kyle Love Marty

    Reply
    • Kyle Hoobin

      ❤️

      Reply
  2. Martha Percy-Meade

    Hey Kyle it’s been a while, I find the best way to get out of stories is to sit quote in the tin can Far away from the earth And look back. You know just sit with it for a bit Love Marty

    Reply
    • Kyle Hoobin

      Hey Marty! Whatever helps to create space from storytime is a handy tool to make use of indeed. We all love stories but when it becomes too much then having that ability to ‘look back on’ is essential for grounding and conscious assessment of what’s working and what’s not ?❤️‍?

      Reply
  3. Kay Miller

    This was wonderful Kyle! I’ve missed your blog post! Thank you for sharing your insight on this subject. I’ve wondered <3

    Reply
    • Kyle Hoobin

      It’s been so long!… hasn’t it? ? I’m glad you found me again through that insatiable wonder ?❤️‍?

      Reply
  4. Jason Gray

    Kyle. If i may – How does one handle being alone? or ‘lonely’?
    And why do we, well I, feel lonely and seemingly need others
    Is it my ‘false’ self /ego feeling this lack? and if it is – I still don’t understand how a thing that is ‘false’ can have so much influence and think or feel me?
    And most importantly how do i rid myself of it? Particularly as it seems the more i think about it – The more it seems to be the thing itself I’m trying to rid myself of doing the damn thinking (and it’s always in the driving seat for me!)
    The eternal question for me is how the fuck do free myself of me? lol.
    Thanks as always. J

    Reply
    • Kyle Hoobin

      You may- always! 🙂 One can never truly handle being alone so long as one believes themselves to be one amongst many. After all, if you’re one amongst many, then you’re separate from life and so loneliness becomes inevitable. The only remedy is enlightenment; the end of the illusion of separation; the end of the illusory self (and consequently all ‘selves’ everywhere). The false self doesn’t feel lack because it doesn’t feel anything; illusion is not capable of feeling. The truth of you is what does all of the feeling while the illusion is what gives you suggestions on what to feel. Feelings are real- what’s triggering them however, often isn’t. The false self is so influential because those who surrounded you when you were very young were so influential. Those influential people suggested you should be ‘somebody’ in order to gain acceptance from the world and so you adopted a self that took over their job. Now you had an identity that served two purposes: 1- it enabled you to ‘be’ somebody to other people AND 2- it began acting as a constant source of unhelpful suggestions that were supposed to lead you to lasting acceptance. So how do you rid yourself of this illusory self? You can’t, because it’s an illusion. The only way for an illusion to fade away is to continuously recognize that it’s just that: an illusion. Illusion can only be sustained in your absence, not in your presence. Commit to the one reality that is always here and now (and void of identity) and there will be no more identity that’s seemingly able to ‘cause’ problems. ??

      Reply

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