Have you wasted your life seeking freedom? Seeking spiritual enlightenment?
Yes and no.
Yes in that if we’re talking about the direct path to freedom, the search must end… now.
No in that you’re not really going to call off the search now unless you’ve already exhausted your dream of future fulfillment.
So yes, freedom is now and will only ever be available now. However, the degree to which that statement feels liberating is the degree to which you’ve reached a point of spiritual exhaustion in your life.
If it still feels like the next moment might hold something more special than this moment, then me telling you that freedom is this moment isn’t going to mean a whole lot.
So long as the seed of future fulfillment is still there in your mind, no amount of present-moment awareness or mindfulness is going to be enough to shift your consciousness into awakening; into abandoning the future altogether.
If I’m honest, I do feel that at some point things will get better than how they currently are. How do I remove this belief? Just being aware of it doesn’t seem to be enough to drop it.
Well, a seed will die unless it’s placed in fertile soil. The seed of future fulfillment remains in your mind only because it’s being given the right conditions to grow in.
What are these conditions?
Every circumstance you use to justify leaving the present.
But mainly,
It’s the unwillingness to remain with the feeling of incompleteness.
The unwillingness to be alone.
The unwillingness to let your guard down and stop protecting yourself from life.
Essentially… the unwillingness to trust life completely.
Without total trust, after all, there’s no such thing as total freedom.
Without total trust, future fulfillment is the only alternative.
What does leaving the present have to do with the feeling of incompleteness?
Way back when, before you adopted the personality as a means of coping with life, you were just a conscious void; pure consciousness that intrinsically knew that its home was this eternal present.
Being a void was not a problem until your mind developed to such a point that it determined that being something was better than being nothing; that being somebody was better than being nobody. In fact, it was determined that being nobody (the truth) was not only undesirable, but wrong.
So naturally, when you arrive at the conclusion that who you are is wrong, then continuously running away from home (the present) is really the only option left. If you didn’t run away, you’d be forced to face the horrid truth that who you are is unacceptable and shouldn’t even be here.
Talk about a shitty deal.
How would sitting with the feeling of incompleteness make staying in the present moment easier? Wouldn’t it become intolerable?
Only for as long as you try to overcome it. So long as you try to overcome it, you’re agreeing with the story that claims it’s real. After all, if weren’t real, why would there be anything to overcome?
Once you finally stop trying to overcome, cope, manage, or deal with the experience of incompleteness, the story that was supporting it will collapse, and all you’ll be left with is… silence… and perhaps a sore stomach. Then, once the body is consistently released from the contraction of incompleteness, remaining in the present will become not only easier, but actually enjoyable again.
Whether human beings are aware of it or not, everyone is trying to return to their original state of innocence; to that conscious void that was prior to the belief that something is better than nothing.
Nothing is better than nothing. Nothing is better than being the wind in the trees, the birds singing, the cars passing by, the ocean tide, the cereal aisle in the grocery store, sunrise and sunset, every human being you encounter… well, you get the idea.
When you’re something, you can’t be any of that. You feel disconnected from the whole because you’re reduced to a continuously failed attempt of achieving permanent somethingness, permanent somebodyness.
Your wound is what keeps you alive; keeps the search going. While the wound of incompleteness sounds like a terrible story, it’s nevertheless what keeps you going, what gives your life meaning and purpose.
Are you saying that incompleteness is the only thing that gives life meaning? That sounds pretty depressing.
Screw meaning. When you look at a cherry blossom tree and smell its intoxicating fragrance in early Spring, do you ask “What’s your meaning? What’s your purpose?”. Of course not. The experience of it is enough. Being a witness to its presence is enough.
Meaning is only for those whose lives feel meaningless.
Stop searching for meaning and you will BE the meaning.
I mean it. (Wink)
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Your message is always helpful straight forward and to the point.Thank you Kyle.
It’s my pleasure Kathryn! ❤️🙏
A sore stomach :-).No kidding.
Along with a massive contraction that manifested as breast cancer.
Seeking for home as if it was a place in the world.
It’s been tough but ‘getting somewhere’.
Thanks Kyle.Nailed what I am going through.So to speak.
Nothing more grounding than being grounded by the body ❤️. I’m glad it resonated Livia— no better place for healing than our homeless home…✨🏠
Kyle…THAT was a killer transmission, and I experientially agree with every word. Keep talking. You have a gift. Deep wisdom in everyday language.
Appreciate your support my friend & will heed your call! 🫡❤️🙏
HI Kyle!
So I guess that’s why the universe is continually preventing me from achieving? My mind hadn’t made the connection of the desire for achievement to future fulfillment. It continues to tell me that I need to contribute something to this world and then life prevents it from happening and, at the same time, tempting me with the achievements of others. With this new realization, now I can thank it for helping me! Thanks to you!🤗
Hey Tambra, Sounds like you’re calling on the universe to remind you of what it means to surrender and to highlight the hollowness of achievement… and the universe is delivering. ❤️ Always a relief to realize life is working for you, not against you..🙏
Are you sure nothing is better than the cereal aisle in the grocery store?? haha! That was a great place when I was a kid, but my Mom wouldn’t let me have the good stuff, she always bought Raisin Bran or some other healthy alternative…. Anyway, I LOVE this message!! This has been coming to me full blast! Something in me has just been saying “the now moment, this is it! It doesn’t get any better than this!” And facing the incompleteness and not running. Yes! Thank you for writing these. I just can’t believe how close they are to what I’ve been feeling…..
It’s hard to beat isn’t it? 😜 Yes, I dreamed of Frosted Flakes but got the Raisin Bran too. Only now I understand haha. I’m glad it was on time Kay, and to hear you’re hanging up the running shoes.. ❤️
I love your writing definitely got to the point of the seeking for me. I am exhausted 🥱 lol.
Glad to hear that Bev, time to rest! ❤️🙏
Such heartening and encouraging writings, thank you most sincerely Kyle.
A week or two ago I had this blast, seemingly coming right through the top of my head, of what I can only describe as “meaninglessness” or “unknowingness.”
It happened while I was watching a video of two brilliant gentlemen having a discussion about consciousness who are both very highly regarded in academic and spiritual circles.
However, at a point, deep into the discussion, they seemed to suddenly find themselves nonplussed by what they actually meant by “consciousness” which is when I had this flash from above which felt like a flash of lightning, yet deeply reassuring. It was as if it was saying to me that I – and even the speakers – need never know what consciousness is, and that we can just leave all meaning behind. It lasted for maybe a second, but since then I seem to feel more free in my actions and able to more readily accept the habitual thoughts that flow through my mind.
It is as if that flash revealed the meaningless of everything to me, including the discussion, the state of the world, the present wars and political upheaval, my poorish state of health, and even all the positive events that happen daily.
I seemed in that flash to have found some anchor, so to speak, and that anchor is all about not knowing what the hell anything means or what the purpose of anything is, but in a very positive and reassuring way, and I find that I can easily access that “not-knowing” whenever I am tempted by anything which I used to regard in either a desirable or negative light, especially thoughts and sensations.
The freedom inherent in this view isn’t huge; it simply manifests in the small details of my life. I’ll mention a trivial example: I am a lover of classical music, and as such I have learned that a serious listener does not interrupt the movement of , say, a piano sonata, but one listens to the end, respectfully. Now, I just smile and change the channel mid-movement to watch something completely unrelated, like a true-crime story.
And this attitude relates to many other aspects of my daily living. Although I do have some duties which I generally do, I am in the privileged position, because of my age, to just take life day by day. But now I am finding that I am also taking the day “in bits,” by which I mean just being guided by whatever it seems I want to do next, which is quite different from the attitude I used to have which was to make my days “count” and to be of some value to the world. Now I just know that all that is really going to happen is death, so why worry about how I get there?
This used to cause depression, but now I feel quite OK about the meaninglessness of my pottering about and seemingly achieving nothing.
So I connect with your explanation that the seeking can come to an end. I will probably continue to listen to wise teachers speak and write, as I do in your case, but I feel I am now doing it just for some encouragement to trust this flash that came. Or maybe I just want to read all that I have said here into your writing because I still have some doubts. I wonder what your opinion might be?
What a gift! It makes sense that this flash happened amidst knowledge imploding into humility. I appreciate you sharing this experience.
Yes- making things count is overrated 😜 Especially if math isn’t your strong suit. I feel for those who seek to achieve more than nothing.
Listening to teachers for encouragement to trust life can be a double edged sword… on one hand a clear voice can help guide you through the fog of your mind’s doubts and distractions, while on the other hand the teacher/teaching can become a crutch if relied upon too much (which can be made worse if the teacher is secretly egoiclly invested in having you become attached to their teaching).
I get the sense that you recognized the truth of your own experience being reflected back in these words, so it’s unlikely a case of unconscious projection or unhelpful attachment 😉 ❤️
Thank you most kindly for your encouraging words, Kyle.
Yes, it does feel like a gift out of the blue when I consider how differently I am able to regard my daily living. I used to chronically check on myself in order to determine whether I was fulfilling my imagined ideal of what a decent person should be thinking and doing, just to discover that this very concern was causing me much suffering because I was never able to do the right thing, or enough of the right thing, and I somehow never fulfilled my ideal of wanting to be a perfect human being, and serving others in some imagined loving way.
Nowadays that monitoring still happens, but it fizzles out quite rapidly because there seems to be a sense that I am already serving the world by being this whatever-I-am, and that I am doing so perfectly by just muddling along and following the next prompt, which is SO much easier than trying to figure out how to do the next right thing and getting irritated and depressed by habitual thoughts.
So, thank you again. On I go, knowing that non-knowing is just fine, and fun! So much better than searching for the Truth.
🙏 All blessings, and thank you very much again. ❤️
I concur, true service is muddling along! 🤣 Indeed, I can’t imagine a bigger struggle than the truth searching for itself. Blessings all around my friend.. ❤️
“Truth searching for itself” – wow, that gave me goosebumps! ❤️
👻✨
Amazing reminder, as always. Si brilliantly written. Miss your words of wisdom, Kyle. Big digital hug.
I’m glad you found them Lisette! 🙏 And hugs all around 🤗